“What is love? ‘Tis not hereafter; present mirth hath present laughter,” sings Feste in Twelfth Night. Designed to amuse Elizabethans in a holiday season, Shakespeare’s tale of wooing gone wrong plays well four centuries later. Yet, the ribald hijinks of Toby Belch are no emotional match for Viola’s faithful love in disguise, nor for the genuine suffering of a certain prig named Malvolio. There’s more to the comedy than meets the eye—just as there’s far more to laughter in relationship than a tickle of epiglottis upon larynx.
As the calendar glows with red-letter days, perhaps this is a good time to consider ways that shared humor can be a positive force in our lives. Unfortunately, many favorite anecdotes at family gatherings are acutely unamusing to at least one person in the room. Think of a clan in which every feast that includes cranberry sauce comes with a dollop of sarcasm about one family member. The klutzy boy of 13 may now be a poised 45-year-old, but an ancient pratfall trumps present reality every time.
Let’s leave that kind of laughter offstage, as we consider five of the many ways genuine merriment can enhance life now and for seasons to come.
- Experience wholesome entertainment in company. “Present mirth” arises not only in plays but via media Shakespeare never knew, and it’s healthy for self and the social soul alike. Download a movie to watch at home, attend a comic opera, sit at a small, round table for an evening of improv. The setting matters less than the experience of putting aside everything dark and dire for the pleasure of a communal laugh.
- Find the humorous aspect when things go wrong. Today’s preternaturally long holiday season has a huge impact on everyday American life. It’s tempting to make the worst of things when the culture insists on ho-ho jollity. Still, in the workplace and beyond, step back to see if there’s another way to look at a mini-disaster. Find a spot of irony, a touch of the ridiculous in the scene? Share it.
- Revisit a common history for healing humor. In retrospect, many tension-filled moments can be hilariously funny. Your dad forgot his dress trousers when he packed to attend your wedding. On the day, it was a hair-tearing frustration. Now it’s a bonding memory. When tempers flare or sorrow enters the picture, humor can help you stay connected to one another.
- Convey a funny solo experience. “You just had to be there.” Well, not always. Tell a good story about an occurrence—let’s say a Canada goose that came in for a landing and flailed across unanticipated ice—and others will laugh. If the joke was on you, then so much the better. People tend to like and trust those who show a capacity to laugh with ease at themselves.
- Stay present to joy—together. Feste warbled on behalf of a would-be seducer, but he was right about one thing: In love and mirth, there’s no substitute for the fleeting moment shared. The catch is, a person must actually be paying attention. Will a television blare during the meal? Will every well-polished place setting reflect the glow of a cell phone? If so, we may miss the point of more than a joke.
